I had a post from a new blog that I’ve decided to follow, and it resonates with me right now. I have actually put this into practice, yet again, over the past month: when I discovered from my sister that my oldest beloved son, from whom I have been estranged for well over a year now, and his wife welcomed their second child, my second grandchild, to the world, I had a heartbreaking cry. And then I got up, put on my big girl panties, and said NO to myself:

NO, I will not allow these behaviors hurt me any more.

NO, I will not continue to wish things were different with our relationship.

NO, I will not grieve the missed milestones of birthdays, kindergarten graduation, holding my hours old grandson.

NO, I will not wait for a response from my child who has chosen to continue his life without me being allowed to be part of the joys, the laughter and the love.

NO, I will not do that to myself.

I will continue to love my son, his wife and my grandsons from where I am, even if I am never allowed to penetrate the walls they have erected between them and me.

I will wish them all happiness and joy and health and light and love.

I will pray for them every time I think of them.

I will be grateful for the occasional glimpses of them from infrequent and random pictures posted.

But I have to say NO for now. For now, I need to focus forward, on the things that I can change and the responses I have to things changing. Because life doesn’t grow if you don’t tend to it-and looking backwards isn’t how you tend to things in front of you.

So I’m tending to the here and now. The “what-ifs” have no place in my life. NO.

(To read the post that started my thoughts here, check out this link: )


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